I cannot deny it: I am shattered!
I have been so driven, so clear in my vision, and so determined to prove 'nothing is impossible' that I've pushed myself and my family to our limits. I have seen 4am three times in the past six nights alone. Enough now!
So I am relieved beyond belief that just as my mind, body and sanity are screaming out "it needs to stop", it would seem I'm making some incredible break-throughs with my art. And with that comes a relief that maybe, just maybe, every late night and weekend spent working, the stresses endured, and the financial rollercoaster & risks I've juggled might have all been worth it.
This morning I started smiling, then laughing out loud. I was here alone, before I'd heard any good news of the day. And it felt good. I am happy.
Underneath the image of drive, determination and sheer obsession, I am an optimist. I've never really been able to fully explain how this 'unbelievable' story has happened. I am fully aware of how crazy it must all seem, but I've learnt that the more I've pushed myself, the braver I've become. I have no idea how I have found the resilience to continue with such single-mindedness and energy, whilst my sanity & wisdom have been challenged to the max!
I am so excited and ready for tomorrow ... but for now I'm taking my happy head for some much needed sleep, zzz